


Empty

by tambrathegreat



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Challenge Response, F/M, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-22
Updated: 2014-07-22
Packaged: 2018-02-09 22:20:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2000085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tambrathegreat/pseuds/tambrathegreat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Severus watches Granger watching him.  Over time he comes to an understanding of her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Empty

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Snape Goddess' challenge on Adult Fanfiction.

**Severus:**

Let me just open with the obvious, I did not expect to survive the war. That I did held some surprise for all around, including the recently dead Albus Dumbledore. As I sat in the filth that was to be my tomb, the blood dripping in almost lachrymal torrents from my clothing, I thought, _Well, shit, now I have to use that retirement plan Albus always blathered on about._

No, just as in life, my death was complicated by ghosts, a meddlesome phoenix and rather pushy house elf. Potter's by way of Black, I believe.

I listened to the dim song of battle going on just a thousand yards away, wishing to have the strength to move, to flee, or to finish what the Dark Lord started. However, as had ever been the case, I was weak. When the Aurors came to collect my body, I rose from the gore on the floor, feeling more than a little drunk with the sudden lack of overhanging threat. Shackelbolt was the one to cast the Binding Spell and a young, nervous Auror levitated me to the holding facility.

On my days went, until my trial came with me under house arrest in Grimmauld Place, my jailers the Golden Trio plus the entire Weasley clan, less one. That gave me a start. As insufferable as I found the twins of the genus, I had never wanted to see them dead. I wept more than a few tears in the safety of my room. It would not do for the Greasy Git to suddenly lose his githood.

Potter spoke on my behalf some eight weeks later, and I was acquitted, without prejudice. That was the legal manoeuvring that allowed the Wizengammot to review my trial if more of my Death Eater activities came to light.

Let it be said that Eileen Snape and her husband Tobias raised no fool. As soon as the ink was dry on the court documents, I was gone. Never to return to English soil. Australia was my new home of choice.

* * *

You might ask, was I content, did I ever find that illusory happiness that most men seek in transcendent moments? I might answer, in my customary vein, 'Do you think I ever did?' My twitchiness and hatred of all things human continued well past my first five years of freedom. I acquired two dogs for companionship and invested my savings in a cattle farm on a dry thousand acres of red and rusty soil. I made little profit, but did find some solace that I had indeed found creatures that were much more intolerable and cantankerous than my own lean company. The dogs, a blue merle bitch and a red male cattle dog tolerated no other human but me. I enjoyed siccing them on various salesmen and the occasional widow who braved my austere lands to convert me to their religion or more often, to get me in their bed. None of them were Lily and so none of them made it past the dogs.

Australia lost its appeal however, when my funds ran out and the cattle died all in the same year. I had enough wherewithal to take my dogs, grandchildren of the originals, to escape back to the city of my birth, and the welcoming home that awaited me in Manchester. The dirty streets and concrete landscape lent veracity to my current mood. I, Severus Snape, was finally lonely and actively seeking human companionship. I do believe, however, that I had forgotten how to be in the society of people. Perhaps I should just remain with my dogs for the time being.

**Hermione:**

Nineteen years and some months after the war, Ron left me. For a Veela with large breasts and no stretch marks. He left me with the care of our son, Hugo, and the financial burdens of the children's Hogwarts education. I could be the typical ex-wife and blame him for straying, but I did push him to it. I freely admit that. I was guilty of just being myself, but that had never been good enough for him. He always liked buxom and beautiful, not _haus frau_ and harried. He lives in our old house now with his new wife. They have a child on the way, and I have grown tired of the wizarding world.

I spent my entire career in the Ministry wishing to change wizarding perceptions of creatures who were entirely happy with the status quo. I found that house elves resented my interference, and that there were more werewolves like Greyback than Lupin. Centaurs resisted my meddling and giants were completely unassailable.

Therefore, I quit my post, took a few courses in Library Sciences and ended up shelving books in Cokeworth at a school of indifferent tutelage. My son and I lived in the poorest section of town, what I could afford with Rose in her first year at Hogwarts. I thought the experience might make him aware of the plight of others. It simply made him hard. I sent him back to his father with the hope that he would make Ron's perfect life hell. The boy gets on well with the Veela and has become a model student.

So, you might ask, did I end up with the perfect life and the perfect ending? My answer would be, 'Does it look like it?'

Ginny visits and Percy sometimes, but both seem to be so out of place, most times that I hear them fire-call me, I pretend I am not at home. It's better that way. They remind me of what I lost due to my indifference and what I gave up due to my depression.

On most days I walk to work and I always see him and his two sturdy-bodied dogs with their wild, rough hair, wolfish grins and knowing, gold eyes. He, of course, is Severus Snape, the one person from my past to whom I wish to speak and the one person I never will.

I see him in his garden in the morning, usually he's reading and takes no notice of the plain-packaged me. I am no Lily Evans. I notice him though. The way his mouth is a straight line when he is thinking, the way he scans the pages of his book from behind the heavy-rimmed glasses he now wears and the way his eyes crinkle at the corners when the dogs greet him in their mute way. Yes, I notice and I pine.

I don't know when I started to love him. It could have been when I heard him crying over Fred's death at Grimmauld Place, it could have been when I found out about his feelings for Harry's dead mother, or it could have been when he left the country. I just know that my day is incomplete when I don't see him. He's my one deepest regret in a life full of disappointments. I suppose if I were more socially adept, I might approach him. I do grow tired of my own society.

**Severus:**

She was there this morning, lurking in the shadow of the fir tree that has grown up wild in between the wasted sidewalk and the wasted yard. I wonder what she wants. I let the dogs perk their ears, but stopped them from pursuing my bushy-haired stalker with a movement of my hand.

Yes, Miss Granger, I do recognize you, even with all the years and the added, and much needed weight. You came around nicely, from what I can tell with you in that shapeless blue frock you wear all too often. Though the material does flow nicely around your curves.

You were never Lily Evans, but I do regret alienating you. I suspect if things had worked out differently, it would not have been Weasley you snogged in the library at Grimmauld place all those years ago. I did love to watch you during my house arrest. It made me uncomfortable at first, a little like the teacher in that famous Police song.

You had been my student only two years before, but two lifetimes had passed since that time. I could see it in your eyes and in the way you shied from contact with all but your closest friends. You were as damaged as young Potter, and both of you were almost as much a twisted wreck as I was. Weasley was still an idiot, but you loved him and so I squelched my desire to be with you. There are only so many times a man can endure unrequited love before he counts himself a fool.

I rise in the morning hoping to catch your daily parade in front of my home. It's difficult for me to admit, but you've always drawn my eye with your bland and pretty face and intelligent diffidence. Perhaps tomorrow...

**Hermione:**

I noticed you watching me in October and let myself think you were annoyed, even as your eyes followed me down the street. I made eye contact with you on the Knight Bus and watched you go to the Leaky Cauldron. It was the strangest courtship in wizarding or Muggle history, stranger than my experiences with Ron, stranger than Lupin and Tonks' was.

In November, I saw you watching the Guy Fawkes festivities and relished the look on your face as you saw me looking at you. It was heated and dark and all the more reason for me to pursue my fantasy. You knew I was no Lily Evans, but you looked at me again, your lashes sweeping over your depthless eyes, leaving smudgy shadows underneath them. I wanted to see what those long lashes would look like in the morning, when the light softened your harsh features and the night's stubble darkened your cheeks. I imagined us both awake at a time when we wouldn't both be so plain and lonely.

I fed tidbits to your dogs when you weren't looking, I devoured what you read, and I slept in a greying dress-shirt you discarded. Your trash, my treasure as I imagined your arms around me, your pale chest against mine and your hard mouth softened by my kisses. If I could have acted, I would have, but you have always paralysed me with your disdain and cutting intellect. I had to let you make the first move, no matter how aware I was of your returned regard.

Loss of you was my greatest fear. You held my heart without a gesture of good faith between us.

**Severus:**

I approached you in the market after three months of mutual stalking. Funny that a powerful wizard and an equally powerful witch could not sense the catastrophe that was to occur. I tapped your shoulder, and you jumped, upsetting a bottle of pickles with your brolly. The ridiculousness of the situation was too much for me and I laughed, rusty though it sounded. It felt good to see you as discommoded as I at that time. After a moment in which I was sure you would hex me first and ask questions later, you joined in the hilarity. Your laugh was almost as rusty as mine, I think. It was December twentieth and that was the first time in almost thirty years that I felt alive.

I walked you home, smelling of vinegar and dill, enjoying your shy chatter. I do remember that you were always one to speak before thinking when you were nervous. Instead of finding myself alone on the stoop at the end of our walk, I followed your invitation into the kitchen where we ate sandwiches and canned soup. It tasted like ambrosia and soma. The way your lips curled to blow in the bowl of the spoon sent me to almost aching need. I do believe you were quite as aware of me as I was of you.

You invited me to stay. I did, and I tasted you for the first time, and drank the nectar of your tears and your core, just as you tasted my bitter spunk and sweat.

You were never Lily Evans. You gave me back my heart.

**Author's Note:**

> Challenge rules  
> (which I broke shamelessly.)
> 
> The rules of the challenge are listed below.
> 
> 1\. Write a song fic based on a love song. (Don't confuse slow songs with a love song, the song can be upbeat as long as it is about love). SS and HG are your couple.
> 
> 2\. She must be of age and no earlier than her 7th year of school.
> 
> 3\. Does not have to contain smut, but if it does please post your warnings at the beginning of the fic.
> 
> 4\. You must list song title as the fic title….title, artist and year must be listed at the top, at the bottom please post complete lyrics. This was changed due to FFN's rules.
> 
> 5\. Add as many as you like, its an open challenge and is set up for you to post on your own. It can be as dark or as light as you like, as fluffy or smutty as you like.
> 
> The song I used as inspiration for this fic was Empty, by Ray LaMontagne, 2006.
> 
> Thanks for reading and please review.


End file.
